


So what do you do for a living?

by mercuryandglass



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Organised Crime, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Exchange, M/M, Mentioned Major Violence, Minor Violence, Profanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6216163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercuryandglass/pseuds/mercuryandglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tadashi got drunk.<br/>Tooru gave out his number.<br/>Neither of them are who they seem to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So what do you do for a living?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CommunistFireworks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommunistFireworks/gifts).



> For [KK](http://communistfireworks.tumblr.com/)
> 
> This is a disclaimer saying all the mechanics of the criminal underworld in Miyagi is completely and utterly made up under my deceitful pretence of a creative license.

Tuesday:

 

“You don’t _understand_ , Tsukki,” Tadashi whined, aiming a kick at Tsukki’s ribs. “He was _gorgeous_.”

“I’m sure I don’t,” Tsukki replied, tone flat, turning away from Tadashi’s kick. He dodged it with insulting ease even as the words left his mouth.

“His personality was nearly as bad as _yours_ was in middle school, though,” Tadashi mused, “but I suppose no one’s perfect.”

Distracted, he didn’t notice Tsukki following through with the turn in time to entirely dodge the counterattack. However, he ended up moving quickly enough for the incoming backfirst to connect with his shoulder instead of his face.

“Ow!”

“Pay attention,” Tsukki said, toneless as always. It wasn’t fair. Tsukki had barely worked up a sweat.

“ _Tsuuuuuuukki_!” Tadashi drew out the word and relished in the twitch of Tsukki’s right eye. “Just because you don’t suffer from --” Tadashi ducked another punch. Tsukki’s right hooks were _savage_. As he shifted his center of gravity, Tsukki took the chance and hooked his legs out from underneath him. Tadashi avoided a bloody nose by pure luck.

Tsukki: 1; Tadashi: 0.

It was _on_.

* * *

Wednesday:

 

”Ne, Iwa-chan, how many Yamaguchi Tadashis do you think there are in Sendai?”

Hajime didn’t even look up from his computer. “This again, shitty Oikawa? You gave him your number, didn’t you?”

“That was _three days_ ago!” Tooru whined. “What if he lost it, Iwa-chan? What if I wrote it down wrong?” Tooru paused and straightened from his artful slouch. “Iwa-chan,” he said, terror lacing those three syllables, prompting Hajime to finally look up. “What if he’s _straight_?”

Hajime wrinkled his nose disdainfully, looking nowhere near as concerned as he should have. Tooru whined again.

“Just wait a few more days, idiot; maybe he didn’t want to seem to eager.” Before he even finished the sentence, Hajime had already returned to the lines of code he was supposed to be finding a crack in.

Maybe Hajime was right. Tooru brightened. “You’re right, Iwa-chan! He’ll be calling in no time.” He flashes a peace sign at the reflection of Hajime’s glare in the computer screen. “After all,” he paused for dramatic effect, “Even a straight man couldn’t resist _me_.”

“Shut up and do something useful, asshole.”

“Iwa-chan!” Tooru admonished from his phone game. “That’s what I pay you for.”

Tooru waited.

Hajime scowled.

Tooru gracefully jumped down from Hajime’s desk to dodge his kick. “Sorry, Iwa-chan,” Tooru quipped. “Gotta go be important!”

* * *

Thursday:

 

“There’s a job offer,” Sawamura-san announced. “Aoba Jousai is looking for a couple of extra guards. Apparently two of their usuals got hospitalised after a rather,” he paused significantly, “explosive attempt at their leader’s life.”

“What would we be doing?” Kageyama asked. He was known for having a few contacts in Aoba Jousai and probably had more of a history with the gang than he had ever admitted

“The pair that takes this job will be simply be chauffeuring their oyabun around to a few meetings,” Sawamura-san said. “Please be on guard for attacks. there have been an increased amount of attacks on Aoba Jousai recently, particularly by the Shiratorizawa clan.”

Kageyama had started shaking his head the moment Sawamura-san mentioned the Aoba Jousai leader. Shouyou looked up at his partner in pleading disappointment.

“Seijou’s territory is in Sendai, isn’t it?” Tsukki asked, barely audible over Shouyou’s whines.

Tadashi perked up as Sawamura-san nodded. “We’ll take it!” he exclaimed.

Tsukki gave him a hard look for the enthusiasm, but Tadashi ignored him. Sawamura-san didn’t seem to have noticed, wordlessly handing them a document with necessary details.

* * *

Friday:

 

> From: [private number]  
>  Tooru-san?

> To: [private number]  
>  Yama-chan~~ 。.:☆*:･'(*⌒_⌒*)

> From: Yama-chan  
>  Ah, yes, it’s me.  
>  I was wondering if you were free anytime this weekend.

> To: Yama-chan  
>  I’m always free for Yama-chan~~ (´ε｀ )♡

> From: Yama-chan  
>  I’m free Saturday after 4:00 and all day Sunday.

> To: Yama-chan  
>  Pick me up at 4:30? ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

> From: Yama-chan  
>  Sure!  
>  Where?

> To: Yama-chan  
>  Not sure where I’ll end up. ┐(︶▽︶)┌  
>  I’ll give you an address by 4:00

  


* * *

Saturday:

 

“Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi blinked open his eyes. “Are we finally here?”

“Yes, and it would have been impossible without your help.” Tadashi shouldn’t need to deal with Tsukki’s dry sarcasm so early in the morning.

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Tadashi rubbed at his eyes and looked out the tinted car window on Tsukki’s side. “Huh,” he said upon seeing familiar skyline. ”I’ve been here before.”

Tsukki looked over at the karaoke bar on their right, nestled in the block between an office tower and an expensive looking apartment building. At not-yet-eight in the morning, the darkened “KARAOKE” sign was depressingly destitute, especially compared to the bustling coffee shop under the office tower next door. He turned his inquisitive glance on Tadashi, demanding elaboration.

“You’ve been to Sendai all of four times,” Tsukki said, thankfully avoiding certain embarrassing details like _the last time we came here, you ended up devastatingly drunk, got a number written in permanent marker across your forearm, with hand drawn emojis, and woke me up by throwing up in the ornamental plant at four in the morning when you returned to the hotel room._

“Tooru-san dragged me here after I said that I could sing.”

Tsukki raised a single eyebrow, a look that would be much more intimidating if he wasn’t blond and if his eyebrows were more than two shades off from his skin tone. Nevertheless, Tadashi cringed from the resulting aura of crushing judgement.

“Aoba Jousai is based from the top floor of that office tower. They own the buildings within a ten block radius,” Tsukki informed him.

“Huh,” Tadashi said.

 

“Where’s Kindaichi and Kunimi?” Tooru asked when only Hajime greeted him.

“They’re still recovering,” Hajime responded.

Tooru frowned in confusion.

Hajime clarified, “You know, from the bombing incident?”

“Oooh, that. That was three days ago!” _How badly were they injured anyways?_

Hajime gave Tooru a _look_. “Kunimi woke up yesterday. I gave them both leave until Monday.”

Tooru gasped, eyes open wide. “Does that mean you’re trusting my own abilities to not get killed today? Iwa-chan! I knew there was love in there!”

Tooru’s hopes were dashed to the ground by Hajime’s scowl. “Don’t be an idiot. I hired a pair from Karasuno.”

“The new mercenary group?” Tooru brightened again “Is Tobio-chan one of them?”

“I don’t know. All Sawamura told me was that they’d be waiting out front at eight am,” Hajime said, obviously disinterested.

In response to Tooru’s alarmed glance, Hajime added, “They’re a trustworthy group.”

Tooru shrugged and pulled out his phone. “Five to eight,” he announced. “Think they’ll be waiting?” he asked without expecting an answer. He shrugged on his expertly tailored suit jacket. “Let’s head down.”

 

The elevator bell rang at eight am on the dot. Tadashi knew this because he had been staring at his phone’s clock for the past five minutes or so, ever since Tsukki had decided that waiting inside the empty lobby of the apartment building would be easier than standing outside or sitting cramped up in tiny car seats meant for people twenty centimetres shorter than either of them.

Tadashi perked up and stood as the doors opened. Tsukki, quite predictably, stayed seated, though he did look up from his phone screen. He didn’t even pause the ‘Miserere mei, Deus’ by Allegeri that he had on speaker, earning a glance from a passing porter, who obviously decided quite quickly that Tsukki was not the kind of person he wanted to deal with so early in the morning. It was a wise choice; Tsukki defended his right to play music aggressively loudly with more violence and collateral damage than he defended his own life.

Tadashi froze at the sight of the man who stepped quietly out of the elevator.

“Tooru-san?”

“Yama-chan?”

Tadashi felt Tsukki stiffen from beside him.

“What are you doing here?” Tadashi said at the same time as Tooru-san.

In the background, the choral music paused, Tsukki having presumably deigned to stop inflicting his tastes in centuries-old music on everyone else.

“Iwaizumi-san, I presume?” Tsukki stood up and bowed. “I’m Tsukishima Kei, and this is Yamaguchi Tadashi. The Karasuno Group is at your service.”

Iwaizumi-san, who had previously had been standing behind Tooru, his head in his hands, looked up and nodded. Tadashi stopped gaping at Tooru and looked over at Tsukki. _What?!_

The corner of Tsukki’s mouth tightened almost imperceptibly. “Oikawa-sama, Iwaizumi-san,” he said, bowing to each in turn. A wash of terror fell over Tadashi, who belatedly mimicked the motions. “Allow us to show you to the car.”

Tsukki immediately manoeuvred himself out of the couches of the waiting area, herding Tadashi along.

As Tadashi followed a bit stiffly behind Tsukki, he heard a rather unfair question float from in front. “You sure do know how to pick them; don’t you?”

Tadashi ignored it in favour of furiously trying to remember if sake was any of the drinks that Tooru-san bought him. _Sharing sake doesn’t count if it was casual, right?!_

 

> To: Yama-chan  
>  (´ε｀ )♡ Sorry Yama-chan but I’ll need to ask you to pick me up at 4:00 instead.

A cellphone tone sounded from the passenger’s seat of the limousine. There was a bit of shuffling and tapping, then a squeak. Tooru smirked.

Hajime doesn’t even need to look over to smack him. Tooru’s cries of “Iwa-chan! Ow!” almost covered his own ringtone.

> From: Yama-chan  
>  … Okay.

  


* * *

Bonus, the previous Saturday:

 

Tadashi smiled and accepted the drink from the man that slid in beside him. He was about to open his mouth to introduce himself when someone slammed their hands down in the only open spot left on the bar and said, “Can anyone here sing?”

“Yes?” he offered automatically.

Looking over, he got an eyeful of pale green dress shirt and a black tie. He moved his gaze up, further than he normally needed to look, and… Oh dear. The newcomer was absolutely _gorgeous_.

A stunning smile lit up a beautiful face. “Great!” the stranger exclaimed. “Come with me.”

The command was spoken in the voice of a man who wasn’t often denied, but, either way, Tadashi had little choice but to comply as he was dragged away from the bar, shooting a shocked look back at the man who had bought him a drink, a confused expression on his face as Tadashi was dragged out of the bar.

“So what’s your name, cutie?”

Tadashi turned back to the beautiful man. He blanked for a moment. “Yamaguchi,” he said when he finally processed the question. “I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

Tadashi waited for the return of an introduction. The stranger seemed to realise this and looked back at him, wearing a grin worryingly similar to the one Tsukki wore during target practise.

“Call me Tooru, Yama-chan.” Tadashi didn’t even get time to protest the nickname before Tooru followed it with a question. “Any suggestions for a karaoke bar? Because I know just the place!”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so, first off, apologies to KK for probably not taking the prompt of “mob boss and cute bodyguard” where it was meant to be taken. However, I did have a really great time writing this, and I hope everyone had just as much fun reading it. As always, feel free to ask questions because I am very eager to answer them!
> 
>  
> 
> [Come stalk me on tumblr.](http://mercuryandglass.tumblr.com/)


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